my head feels only vaguely cottony today. i don't know if any of you feel differences in your mental state bodily, but i definitely do. When i'm frazzled and spastic there's a harshness to the way my thoughts fire against eachother. When i'm feeling slow, it's that infuriatingly swathy experience, like my brain has been wrapped in the kind of dense cotton you find stuffed at the top of advil bottles. And then there are those miraculous elusive moments when my brain feels positively clear and unfettered. I live for those moments. seriously. last week i had two night, AOH was witness to at least one, when everything was fast and bright like pure energy. to act, to do is easy when my mind feels like that - there's no translation going on. or the translation is effortless. i don't really know what these differences are or mean, but there they are.
and this early afternoon, i feel like clarity is just an arm's reach away, if i can just shake off the few cottony strands still restraining my conscious mind. hence this writing and the usual resort to plans.
friday AOH and i watched Stranger than Fiction and Stick It! which was a terrible film, but entertaining for the stunts. i was disappointed with the small amount of stunts actually, since i'd rented it to watch gymnastics. there was enough though to remind me of how much i miss it. I was talking about it so much, AOH actually looked up adult gymnastics classes in the city. They're not prohibitively expensive, so i might actually get into that. Of course it'll be a complete waste of money if i went to it now, but i'm planning on using it as motivation to get back into my diver crunches and stick with the yoga and running. it must sound ridiculous to anyone who hasn't loved some aspect of a sport, but watching gymnastics reminds my limbs of how they felt doing it - the heady pressure and release of tumbling, that hyper-specific kind of pull on one's shoulder and arm muscles from the centrifugal force of swinging around a bar. my limbs miss these things like...well there are a lot of comparisons here, but they're all coming out a bit more racy then i intend them. i just miss it.
also friday, i swung on the scaffolding a few blocks from my place. oh how fun that was. oh and then saturday, i was walking to the party at AOH's house and walked past a group of men playing volleyball and had the same reaction. yes, one would expect given the lack of play i've been getting, that i would have locked on to the men playing, but no, my reaction was to the motion of flight as one body launched itself cross-court in pursuit of a stunning save, and my own memories of that sensation. these memories of physicality, they tell me i am not meant to be an un-athletic person. so who wants to be athletic with me, huh? anyone? anyone?
also this weekend, i got infrastructure for my apartment which is exciting: two stair-step cube things. One will go under the stairs downstairs. I may use it for shoes and clothes and some book. The other is between my desk and the door and has already been claimed by the cats as their new nap space...but it will hold crafty items soon.
in other news, i'm thinking about picking up some pottery classes at this place in carroll gardens. another case of the visceral missing phenomena. it's crazy for me not to continue these things i get such satisfaction out of. and that in itself has reintroduced time-management impulses like deciding to water my plant every saturday morning, resolving to read my livejournal friends page on sunday mornings, and this pottery class on thursday evenings (possibly).
okay. time for the statement revisions.
Hey - you could become a filmmaker...granted, it's an unpaid intership, but... http://www.mayslesfilms.com/companypages/commercials/commercials.htm
Posted by: Kara | Thursday, 26 April 2007 at 11:16